5 Gadgets That Make Simple Foods Way Harder to Prepare
讓簡易食品的製作過程反而更加困難的五種無用玩意兒
作者: Jason Iannone
Many people are not gourmet chefs, and that's fine. You don't need to know how to whip up Saddle of Venison to keep yourself and your family fat and happy. But some people don't want to make anything at all, perhaps out of fear they'll burn down the whole neighborhood while struggling with an Eggo waffle. Or worse -- they'll have to clean stuff. 我知道不是每個人都是大廚, 那沒關係. 你不需要知道如何快速地弄出鹿脊骨腰肉這種等級的菜色來讓你家人大快朵頤吃得肥滋滋. 不過有些人是完全不想碰廚藝這檔事的, 或許這樣就可以免除只不過是為了做個鬆餅就把四周鄰居整個燒光光的恐懼, 更糟的是還得清理善後.
Luckily (as we've shown before), the Stuff-Making Industry is here to save the day, unleashing mountains of "simple food prep" products that are almost universally for foods that a preschooler could figure out between naps. Each of the following should come bundled with a book of hacks for fast and easy deduction of 2 + 1 and how to put on your socks without choking to death. "But hey, at least they save on cleaning!" Guess again ... 就跟我們以前拿給大家看的一樣, 食品加工產業出來拯救你了, 他們推出了多如山積所謂的 " 只須簡易加工 " 之產品, 號稱連幼稚園孩童都能快速弄懂. 下面所介紹的東西都有附帶了一本駭客級的說明書來讓你在短短的兩三個步驟中快速簡單地做出成品, 簡單到像是告訴你怎樣穿上襪子而不會窒息的那種方式. 或許你會說 " 嘿, 這至少可以不用事後清潔 ! " 是嗎? 我們來看看...
#5. The Toastabag: Sandwiches In the Toaster, Wrapped In Wax第五名: 土司袋; 把三明治用蠟包起來放進烤土司機中烤
Grilling up a sandwich is probably the easiest thing in the world, aside from blinking. You make your meal, heat up a pan, throw the food on, flip it a couple times, and you're done. The only possible way to screw that up is throw it on the pan and then leave it alone for 20 minutes while you go rub one out into the sock drawer. But if three minutes watching a pan is simply too much to ask (or if you have an insatiable sock fetish), then the Toastabagis for you. 烤三明治可能是除了眨眼睛之外在這世界上最簡單的事了. 好, 就自己做個餐點嘛, 把鍋子加熱, 食物扔進去, 翻面個幾次然後就好了. 唯一出差錯的可能性是某人把東西扔進鍋子中然後離開個20分鐘躲到私密地點去撸一管. 如果花個三分鐘盯著鍋子對某人來說還是太難 ( 或者說就是個無可救藥的手槍王), 那麼這個 土司袋 是給這種人用的.
![]()
Don't rub one out into it. Toasted mayonnaise tastes terrible, anyway.
可別射進去啊, 烤美奶滋味道可是很恐怖的, 真的.
It's literally nothing but a wax bag big enough for two pieces of bread. You slide your sandwich into the bag, pop it into your toaster, and a few minutes later, out it comes "perfectly toasted." I can see the benefit of this if you step into a wormhole and suddenly find yourself in the stupidest parallel timeline ever, one where Hitler won and immediately banned all frying pans as tools of Zion. But otherwise, think outside the bag and buy a damn Cuisinart.
這東西說起來就是一個可以讓你放進兩片麵包的蠟袋. 把三明治放進袋中, 置入烤麵包機過個幾分鐘後就會 "烤得很完美". 我可以明瞭這東西的好處, 就好像你踏入了蟲洞然後突然發現身處在一個蠢到爆的平行時間線一樣, 在那邊希特勒贏了並且馬上禁止使用使用煎鍋來當工具. 除此之外為了要用這個袋子你還得去買個該死的廚房電器.
Originally, the Toastabag people zeroed their marketing strategy on a singular niche market -- people who sucked at making grilled cheese sandwiches. That was the only food they featured on the packaging -- andnot just once -- because apparently people fly into a panic whenever they come within 50 feet of a skillet, even if it's there to help create what's literally the easiest sandwich in the entire cosmos. They've since opened up their product to those who also enjoy lettuce and tomatoes, and their commercials now put a real emphasis on cleanliness and convenience. 追根究底來說這個土司袋行銷策略所鎖定的是單身貴族市場 -- 就是那些拙於自己做烤起司三明治的人. 這是他們在包裝袋上用來主推的食物--而且一而再, 再而三地強調這點--因為這些人明顯地怕死平底鍋了, 所以就算平底鍋是用來製造這個宇宙無敵簡單三明治的工具他們也不願意使用. 該公司已經打開口袋想要一網打盡這些喜愛吃萵苣跟蕃茄的客戶, 在他們的廣告中強調了可簡單地清潔這點.
![]()
Whoever organized the Wicked Witch family reunion should've checked the forecast for rain.
即使是巫婆要開同學會也應該先看看天氣預報看會不會下雨.
(譯註: 這在中文來說就是天有不測風雲, 真的可以把起士封在那個袋子中嗎? 你看看這不就滴到烤土司機底部了?)
Down with minor stains that require minimal elbow grease to remove. Viva la revolucion! If your life is so hectic you can't take the time to wash A pan to make A sandwich, maybe it's time to cut back on the Never Ending Pasta Bowl that is your hustle hustle go go go schedule. Unless your kid is clearly going to be the next Pele, maybe ease up on the soccer and use that now-vacant square of time to properly feed the little tyke. Besides, you still have to wash the bag.
就算有髒汙的話也只有最小量的油漬需要清除, 哇靠~ 這真是太有革命性了! 假如說你的日常生活忙碌到連去洗個煎鍋來做個三明治的時間都沒有那麼或許應該少去那種吃到飽餐廳, 這可省下來來去去的時間. 除非說真要讓你的小孩過球王比利童年所過的那種生活, 不然你應該放鬆些並花點時間來餵養你家的小淘氣. 此外這個袋子還是需要清洗的.
![]()
"Curse you Satan, you infernal trickster!"
"去你媽的死撒旦, 你這騙子! "
Also, despite knowing full well what kind of spaced-out slackjaw would actually buy this product, the Baggers devote an entire page to legitimately complex recipes, like the chimichurri steak sandwich. This requires you to not only cook the steak, but also to "puree together garlic, seeded jalapenos, olive oil, parsley, cilantro, oregano, and white wine vinegar" to make the sauce. Toastabags: for the busy sous-chef who's always on the go. 雖然我們很清楚是怎樣的懶惰鬼才真的會去買這個產品, 廠商還是弄了一整頁的正經八百又複雜的食譜, 比方像是說西班牙青醬肉排三明治. 要做這個你不但要先煎好肉排而且還得 " 把大蒜, 墨西哥蠟椒, 橄欖油, 巴西里(洋芫荽), 芫荽, 牛至跟白酒醋混合好打成泥狀 " 來做成醬汁. 土司袋廠商: 交給那些忙碌不堪的副廚師做吧.
#4. Pasta Perfect / Express: Cooking Pasta In a Tower of Boiling Water 第四名: 完美地煮出義大利麵容器: 用一個裝了滾水的管子來煮義大利麵
![]()
As I've established in the past, I have a knack for buying useless shit simply because some neighbor stuck a 50-cent sticker on it and threw it on a picnic table. One of my prouder finds was the Pasta Express, or Pasta Perfect if you're nasty. Either way, it's basically a long tube like the kind banks use for customers who are too good to walk in and talk to the tellers, only with hot water and pasta in place of dirty dollar bills. 過去我幹過不少蠢事, 比方說只因為鄰居在車庫大拍賣的時候在野餐桌上把這東西貼了張只要50美分的標籤我就買下一些無用的垃圾. 在此隆重介紹這個 快速煮義大利麵( Pasta Express ), 或者說很酸地叫它 " 完美的義大利麵 ". 不管怎麼稱呼這玩意兒, 基本上它就是一個像是銀行在用的那種讓客戶不必靠近行員就能講話的長管子, 只是說這裡面放的是熱水跟義大利麵而不是骯髒的紙鈔.
![]()
Dear Every Italian: I am so sorry.
義大利鄉親們, 我對不起你們.
You pour pasta into the tube, fill it with boiling water, and let it sit there for ten minutes. Then you pour the water out and eat the pasta. That's all. You have saved exactly no steps from the typical pasta-making method. You still boil water, you still mix in pasta, and you still drain water when you're done. And despite the company's insistence that "you won't need to use any extra pots or pans," you most certainly will, unless you enjoy eating plain, unflavored snooze pasta. If you crave sauce, seasonings, or even just butter, you're likely to add that shit with the aid of a pot. Doing so in that narrow tube would simply be too much of a pain. The Express has saved you literally no steps, and actually added an extra one. 把義大利麵放進筒子中然後加滿滾水, 然後擺著大約十分鐘. 接著把水倒掉就可以吃義大利麵了, 就這麼簡單. 跟傳統煮義大利麵方法一模一樣並無二致. 你還是要煮滾開水, 還是要放進義大利麵, 煮好後也是得瀝乾水份. 除了該公司所強調的 " 你不需要使用任何額外的鍋子 ", 可是...當然還是得用鍋子, 除非你覺得不加醬料的白水煮義大利麵很好吃. 假如說要烹製醬料, 調味, 甚至說只加奶油也都還得用個鍋子來做不是嗎? 這些步驟如果用那長筒來進行未免太痛苦了. 這個裝置其實完全沒有省略步驟相反的還加進了多餘的一步.
No-pot pasta: the crunchy snack treat kids love.
不用鍋子煮的義大利麵: 嘎迸脆, 小孩子愛死了.
So what's the selling point then? Oh, tons. You don't have to stir, and the water won't boil over and make that gosh-darn annoying hissssss sound on the burner. If you're old enough to handle boiling water, and can't get the hang of double double toil and troubling it, skip the Express and just live off Chef Boyardee for the rest of your life. Provided you can open the lid.
所以這東西的賣點在哪? 噢~ 很多啦, 你不必攪拌, 滾水不會滿過鍋子滴到瓦斯爐然後發出惱人的嘶嘶聲. 如果說有人老到無法煮開水, 還是說這種事對他來說太辛苦而且可能出差錯, 那麼他就不應該用這個玩意兒, 應該去跟罐頭義大利麵度過餘生. 至少會打開罐頭吧?
And as far as water "boiling over," I've been cooking for years now and can't think of a single situation where water hitting the burner was anything more than a minor inconvenience. It hisses, you turn down the heat, and the boiling over quits. Boom, like that. It won't set your stove on fire, nor will it cause the burner to melt. It's just water. You, your food, your stove, and your house will survive.
至於那個滾水滿過鍋子這件事, 我自己有下廚多年的經驗, 這種水滴到瓦斯爐發出嘶嘶聲的小事只不過會造成小小的不便罷了, 只要關掉熱源然後滾水就不會跳動了. 它不會轟地一聲地把爐子給炸了, 也不會讓爐台融解, 這只不過是水呀. 你自己, 食物, 爐子跟你的房子都會好好地.
![]()
Man is 90 percent water. But water is 100 percent death.
人體有90%是水, 但水就是水它不是活的. (譯註: 作者在諷刺那些怕水會自己跑出來碰到爐子引發火災的人)
Worst of all: the thing just plain doesn't work. I poured the boiling water in and added spaghetti, just like the packaging commanded me to. After ten-plus minutes of hardcore boiling, I drained the tube and immediately regretted my decision. The pasta wasn't just still rigid -- everything was completely stuck together. It's almost like stirring is an actual important step and not an optional annoyance. I confirmed this by boiling more water, this time in an actual pot, stirring the pasta in that, and having it come out perfectly. Just like it did every other time before I bought that stupid bank tube. My poor 50 cents died in vain.
最糟糕的是: 這東西沒有用. 我照著包裝說明上所說的一樣倒進滾水然後加入義大利麵, 過了十分鐘所謂的沸騰烹煮之後把水倒掉; 我馬上後悔了. 這義大利麵不再根根分明, 它全部黏在一起了. 省略掉重要的攪拌這步驟只會讓自己惱火不堪. 為了確定我再次煮沸一次開水, 這次用真正的鍋子, 把義大利麵放進去攪拌翻煮, 成品很完美, 就跟我以前每次做的一樣. 我那可憐的50美分完全浪費掉了.
#3. Butter Spreader: A Butter Spreader
第三名: 塗奶油器: 就真的只是一個可以裝奶油的容器
Putting aside racism, sexism, child abuse, homophobia, war, rape, mass starvation, transphobia, sex trafficking, poverty, the New York Jets, global warming, and terrorism for a second, there's nothing worse than trying to spread hard butter. And since popping a stick in the microwave for even a second too long transforms it into an oozy mess that takes forever-plus-more-forever to clean up, what's a churned milk aficionado boycotting tub and spray butter on religious grounds to do?
先把種族主義, 性別歧視, 虐童, 同性戀恐懼症, 戰爭, 強暴, 大饑荒, 跨性別恐懼症, 賣春, 貧窮, 在紐約上空飛過的飛機, 全球暖化以及恐怖主義擺在一邊, 還有什麼比試著把硬奶油好好地塗勻更糟糕呢? 而且如果在微波爐中加熱超過一秒就會讓這根玉米爆成一堆黏乎乎的垃圾, 而且還要花很長時間來清理, 碼的咧, 你要不要告訴我那些用發泡奶油來當抗議道具的跟在宗教儀式上塗油的是怎麼處理善後的?
![]()
Market tested, Jesus approved.經過市場驗證, 同時神也准許你用.
How about sticking your Land O'Lakes in an overgrown billiards chalk stick instead? That's exactly what the inventively-named Butter Spreader is -- a white stick you add butter to and push across your food like an eraser. Naturally, like just about every other product I've discussed, this supposedly helps save on messes. This is a huge selling point no matter what's for sale, because when we're not busy picking our noses and asses or not wiping properly, we're apparently a society of utter neat freaks. 把你家的藍雷牌奶油塞進一隻超大型粉筆中你覺得怎樣?這個所謂的 奶油塗布器 實際上就只是根讓你加進奶油的白色棒棒, 擠出來然像是用橡皮擦一樣地抹遍食物表面. 就跟我之前所討論的其它產品一樣, 這東西是用來防止弄得亂七八糟的. 這理由還真是個超大賣點( 不管它賣的是什麼東西 ). 這樣人們就可毫無顧忌地挖挖鼻孔摳摳屁股也不怕不合適地塗奶油.... 明顯地這是個怪咖大集合的社會.
The only remotely legitimate use for this thing is for corn on the cob, since its curves can easily send a piece of butter toppling to the plate below. In which case, you could do what I do -- turn the cob into a rolling pin and sop up the butter that way -- or become one with the pool chalk. But the various companies that produce butter spreaders (yes, there's more than one, and yes, they're all the exact fucking same) clearly feel their product is the perfect solution for even the flattest of foods. 這玩意ㄦ唯一可能派上用場的時機是用來在整根玉米上面塗奶油, 因為上面的曲線會造成要抹底下的盤子時把奶油擠散掉. 這個時候你可以學我這樣做---把玉米當成桿麵棍然後把奶油塗開---或者跟這個粗粉筆似的東西組合在一起用. 可是這許多家的生產廠商 ( 對, 還不是只有一家在生產這東西, 而且做出來的東西還他媽的一模一樣) 真的自我感覺良好地認為這種產品在平面食物上也一樣好用.
![]()
The evil Aunt Jemima has finally met her match.
邪惡的傑米媽阿姨牌鬆餅粉終於找到了名正言順的搭檔啦~
(譯註: Aunt Jemima 是桂格公司旗下的一個鬆餅/糖漿/早餐食品的品牌)
Do people really have trouble spreading butter on pancakes and bread? That's like the tee ball of food moistening. On a similarly moronic note, are there truly people basting their chickens and turkeys by eschewing basters, grabbing gobs of butter, massaging it into broiling hot bird, and burning their hands clean off, as this peddler so proudly insists? If so, can we give these people a reality show? We can pay them in butter spreaders. 真的有人會在煎餅/麵包上塗奶油時出問題嗎? 這就像是食品保溼界的泡綿棒球一樣. 看看那低能弱智的說明書上寫的, 真有人會拿個避免直接接觸到奶油的塗布器來幫他們的雞/火雞刷上奶油? 難道說直接拿起那塊奶油在熱騰騰的雞上塗會燒掉他的手嗎? 就像這則商人的巧語花舌一樣自豪地堅稱所述一樣? 真這樣的話來個實況秀看看吧? 拿我們買這些奶油塗布器所花的錢付這個秀吧.
#2. Scrambly Egg Shaker: Scrambled Eggs In a Ball
第二名: 炒雞蛋專用搖晃器 ; 把雞蛋裝進一個球中間搖散開來
![]()
Of the many ways to prepare an egg for its inevitable swallowing (swallow eggs not required), scrambling the incredible, edible embryo has to be the easiest. You crack it into a bowl, add some milk if you're feeling fancy, whisk it into a frothy liquid, pour it into a hot pan, and manipulate it with a spatula until its ready. The only way that could take more than two minutes is if you forget to turn the stove on. The problem with this method is that whole whisk-and-bowl thing, evidently. That's a whole two items you have to wash later on, and what if every time you attempt whisking, you lose control of your limbs and fling chicken goop all over the wall and floor?
除了生吞之外要把雞蛋處理成可食用狀態的方法中炒蛋應該是最簡單的一種了. 把蛋打進碗中, 高興的話加點牛奶, 然後快速打發成起泡的液體, 倒進熱鍋中, 用鏟子稍微弄一下就可以吃了. 這道不會超過兩分鐘的程序唯一會出差錯的可能是你忘了開爐火. 很明顯地能作文章的地方就只有那個打發雞蛋的過程. 炒好雞蛋後要洗的就只有兩樣東西, 你會在每次打雞蛋時失去控制然後把這些蛋糊在地板跟牆上弄得到處都是?
![]()
It's the closest to flying they will ever come.
是要怎要打蛋才會打到飛出去?
For those who fear goop-flinging, God hath bequeathed the Scrambly Egg Shaker. Instead of bowling and beating like the Neanderthals before you, just crack your eggs into the Shaker and shake it like a Polaroid poultry. Soon, the eggs are scrambled, and your bowls and whisks are free to rot in the cabinet, unused and unloved. But at least you don't have to clean them. Eggs still got to get cooked though, which involves a pan and a spatula that you'll have to clean, because the Illuminati is testing you. Unless you're a bodybuilder who drinks the shit raw. And if you are, please post a video of yourself chugging your raw egg from this generic Happy Meal toy marketed as an actual kitchen tool. I'm at least 24 percent certain you'll go viral within hours.
感謝上帝賜予這些怕把蛋汁弄得四散的人一個救贖, 就是這個 搖搖蛋. 你現在不必像個尼安德塔人般地在那打蛋, 只要把蛋打進這個搖搖蛋然後像隻拍立得雞那樣地搖啊搖. 很快地這個蛋就會搖好了, 如此一來你的碗跟打蛋器就可以一直留在廚櫃中, 沒人用也沒人愛. 至少你不用再去清潔這兩樣東西了不是? 可是這個蛋汁還是得烹調, 所以還是得清潔鍋子跟鍋鏟, 真夠聰明啊. 除非你是那種會把所有生的東西打成汁喝下去的健身愛好者, 假如說你真的是這種人, 請po一段把生蛋汁從這個行銷成快樂餐玩具的東西中咕嘟嘟喝下去的影片給我們看. 我敢保証你有24%的機會在數小時內食物中毒. ![]()
Chug enough of them, and you'll go bacterial too, broski.
搖咧~搖咧~ 可是你也會沾上細菌唷, 這位同志.
Joie claims their product is "fun for all ages." So basically, they know how pointless it is, and are relying on the "it's for the kids" crutch, which apparently makes your crappy product suddenly immune to all criticism. This formulaic, unfunny movie isn't for you, old man, so quit complaining. This pandering, whiny, poorly-written TV show is meant for children, not you, so shut up and enjoy it. I've read reviews from professional critics -- who get paid to offer their opinions -- in which the critic refuses to critique a kid's product, instead letting some toddler do so (with an inevitable thumbs-up) because they're "the right audience." This is why so much kid stuff sucks -- quality control goes out the window in favor of "eh, kids are dumb, fuck it."
Joie聲稱他們家的產品 " 不管你幾歲都可以樂在其中. " 所以基本上他們自己以很清楚這東西本身毫無重點可言, 只好用一些話術像是 " 這是設計來給小孩用的 " 來支持其論點. 這樣一來這個可笑產品似乎就對所有評論免責了似的. 這段公式化又不好笑的影片不是給你看的, 老頭, 所以不要抱怨了. 這段喋喋不休還寫得很爛的促銷影片是給小孩看的, 不是給你看, 所以閉嘴不要講話看就對了. 我讀過這些所謂的專業評論(由那些花錢找來的寫手寫的)說他們不會去批評給小孩用的產品, 相反地還引導一些還在蹣跚學步的孩童來玩這東西(真該給個讚啊), 因為這是本產品所瞄準的客戶. 這就是為什麼有那麼多兒童用品爛到透的原因, 品管這件事早被 " 嗯, 孩子很笨哪, 幹咧 " 這句話給丟到窗外啦
Oh right, eggs. Them. Yeah, this product's dumb.
喔對, 蛋嘛... 這家公司.. 耶, 這產品真的蠢到爆.
#1. Potato Pocket: Baked Potatoes In a Pouch
第一名: 馬鈴薯袋袋; 包在袋子中的烤馬鈴薯
![]()
What's worse than a pointless product? A pointless product that doesn't work, like the Potato Pocket -- a sleeping bag that claims to make perfect baked potatoes for the ten people on Earth who can't wrap their skulls around "wrap potato in foil." And while my traumatic experience with the Pasta Express might have been avoided with less food (every hungry kid's solution), testers far more professional than I have tested the Potato Pocket and practically shit inside of it. 到底有什麼會比一項毫無重點可言的產品還爛? 這種東西毫無用處, 比方說這個馬鈴薯袋袋, 這個聲稱說可以完美地烤好馬鈴薯的小睡袋是設計來給這世上碩果僅存的十個人用的, 這些人不會像是纏自己頭殼那樣地把馬鈴薯用鋁箔包好. 從我上次在那個快速煮義大利麵中得到的受傷經驗中讓我知道不要浪費食物要省下來給救援饑餓孩童行動, 所以那些比我更專業的測試人員實地測過這個馬鈴薯袋袋之後證明了這一整個是沱屎.
That ain't bacon.
雖然看起來很像但這不是培根.
The Pocket is your quintessential "as seen on TV" product. It's SO easy! Works every time! A mere two steps to Spud Heaven! It even has a psuedoscientific "secret" that they immediately give away, because hawkers of bad products are worse at keeping secrets than a stadium full of 11-year-old girls. In this case, the "unique design of the insulated bag creates the perfect steam pocket, significantly cutting down on your prep time, giving you the perfect baked potato every time." That's an awful lot of Beakman talk to justify charging $15 for what you can easily accomplish with foil or some paper towels.
這個袋袋是典型的 " 會在電視上看到 " 的那種東西. 超~~簡單! 保證有效! 只要兩個步驟就好了! 甚至還會像是偽科學那樣洩漏個什麼秘密似的, 因為這些爛產品的銷售主持人比11歲小孩還不能保守秘密. 在這種場合 " 這個絕緣袋子的獨特設計讓袋子中產生完美的蒸氣, 讓你大量降低準備時間, 每次都可以完美地烤好馬鈴薯 ". 諸如此類的像是電視劇怪頭博士那樣的口吻來說這種用鋁箔或者紙巾就能輕易做到的事, 但他們只收你15塊美金.
And if you want a unique design, just draw dicks with the faces of the Burger King Kids' Club members all over the foil.
假如你真想要獨特的設計, 在鋁箔紙上畫上幾隻有著漢堡王娃娃臉的雞雞吧.
Worse still, it turns out the real "secret" behind the Pocket is the same secret behind Pinocchio's nose -- pure bullshit. A recent consumer report tested the Pocket and found that the only truth in its advertising is "you can put potatoes in there." And even that truth needed a good stretching -- they claim the Pocket can fit up to four potatoes, but the reporter could only squeeze in three. Hopefully Mom and Dad don't have more than one kid, or somebody's going to starve. 這還不夠糟的話, 告訴你這個袋袋的真正 " 秘密 " 就跟小木偶皮諾丘的鼻子一樣, 完全是沱屎. 最近的消費者報告書中實測過這個東西而且發覺它在廣告上所宣稱的只有一件事是真的 : " 你可以把馬鈴薯放進去 ". 而且這項事實還有個好延伸呢--他們說這口袋可以放進四個馬鈴薯, 但是報告書中說只能塞進去三個. 真希望天下的爸媽們只有一個小孩不然有人就快要餓死了.
![]()
"Who wants to recreate The Hunger Games? Not that you have any choice."
誰想要重現一下饑餓遊戲這部電影? 可是你沒得選.
The ads also boast a near-miraculous four-minute microwave time, but those four minutes came and went, and the potatoes were still hard as ever. It probably doesn't help that you're not supposed to use high heat, lest the bag gain sentient life and terrorize the countryside like Frankenstein's Dinner. It also doesn't help that the "four minute" cook time can vary based on microwave power, something conveniently edited out of the final ad copy.
廣告上還吹噓說只要微波四分鐘, 可是四分鐘過後那馬鈴薯跟原本的一樣硬. 之所以無效這可能是因為你沒有使用夠高的溫度吧? 萬一那袋袋就像科學怪人的晚餐一樣得到生命然後嚇壞了一整鄉的人可不慘了? 所以那個 " 只要四分鐘 " 的烹調時間要依微波的功率而定, 像這種很便利地在廣告中加在最後面才講的句子就出現了.
In the end, the report got ONE decent potato, and it took seven minutes of cooking to get there. But, according to the Pocket's instructions, you're only supposed to cook it for four minutes -- if it still needs time, add one minute then recheck. Repeat until you finally get your precious perfect baked potato. So you buy this thing because you're the worst cook on Earth, and suddenly you're doing way more work than every other cook on the block. That is goddamn poetic.
報告書中最後指出得到 一個 很好的馬鈴薯, 但是花了七分鐘的時間. 按這個袋袋的說明說, 你只需要煮四分鐘, 假如不夠的話再加一分鐘之後再檢查一次, 重複此步驟你最後就會得到那珍貴的完美烤好的馬鈴薯. 突然之間你要做的事比整個街頭巷尾的廚子還要多了, 這真是該死棒透了.
Follow Jason on Facebook and Twitter and he'll bake you a cake. He'll eat it all himself, but totally think of you while he does.
創作內容
讓簡易食品的製作過程反而更加困難的五種無用玩意兒
Ever Quest 2 (32)